ADHD in Adult women

October 2nd 2024 - Lucie Abadi

Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is commonly associated with hyperactive boys or struggling young students, but ADHD also affects millions of adult women. For many, the condition may go unnoticed or misdiagnosed for years, leading to frustration and misunderstanding. In recent years, there has been a growing awareness that ADHD presents differently in women than in men, and many adult women are only now receiving the diagnosis and support they need.

Why is ADHD in Women Often Overlooked?

ADHD in women has historically been underdiagnosed and misunderstood. This is partly because the symptoms in women can look different from the more obvious hyperactivity often seen in boys. Women with ADHD are more likely to present with inattentive symptoms, such as daydreaming, forgetfulness, or difficulty focusing on tasks. These symptoms can easily be mistaken for stress, anxiety, or even depression, leading to misdiagnosis.

Societal expectations can also contribute to underdiagnosis. Women are often expected to be organized, multitaskers, and nurturers — roles that require strong executive functioning skills. As a result, many women with ADHD struggle to meet these expectations, feeling overwhelmed and inadequate, without understanding the underlying cause.

Common Symptoms of ADHD in Adult Women

ADHD symptoms in adult women can vary widely, but some common signs include:

1. Difficulty focusing and staying on task: Women with ADHD may have trouble maintaining concentration, especially on tasks that are boring or repetitive. They may frequently start new projects without finishing them.
2. Disorganization: Managing daily life can feel chaotic, whether it’s keeping track of appointments, managing work tasks, or staying on top of household responsibilities.
3. Forgetfulness: Constantly misplacing items, forgetting deadlines, or missing appointments is common for women with ADHD.
4. Feeling overwhelmed: Many women with ADHD feel overwhelmed by day-to-day responsibilities. Juggling work, family, and personal life can feel like an uphill battle.
5. Emotional dysregulation: Women with ADHD often struggle with managing their emotions. They may feel more sensitive to criticism or have frequent mood swings.
6. Struggling with time management: Chronic lateness or procrastination is common. Tasks that seem simple to others may feel insurmountable.
7. Impulsivity: Impulsive spending, sudden changes in plans, or saying things without thinking through the consequences are also common.
8. Low self-esteem: Women with undiagnosed ADHD often blame themselves for their struggles. Years of feeling “different” or “not good enough” can lead to feelings of inadequacy and low self-worth.

While ADHD is a lifelong condition, many women can learn to manage their symptoms with the right tools and support

I provide a free 15 minute telephone consultation. If you would like to speak to me please contact me.

Codependency: When Caring Becomes Costly

June 5th 2025 - Lucie Abadi

Most of us want to be there for the people we love. But what happens when caring turns into compulsive caretaking- when another person’s needs always seem to come before your own?

This is the territory of codependency - a common but often misunderstood pattern that quietly shapes many relationships, often leaving one person feeling exhausted, invisible, or emotionally stuck.

As a therapist, I often work with people who don’t realize they’re codependent. They simply believe they’re “being nice,” “doing what’s expected,” or “keeping the peace.” But over time, these patterns can create imbalance, resentment, and a loss of connection to one’s own needs.

What Is Codependency?

At its core, codependency is a pattern of behavior where someone prioritises others' needs, emotions, or problems to the detriment of their own wellbeing. It's often rooted in early experiences where love, safety, or approval were conditional, leading a person to believe that being helpful or selfless is the only way to be valued.

Some signs of codependency include:

Difficulty saying “no” or setting boundaries
Feeling responsible for other people’s feelings or actions
Chronic people-pleasing
Anxiety or guilt when putting yourself first
Suppressing your own emotions to avoid conflict
Measuring your worth by how much you're needed

These traits might sound noble, but when they're habitual and unconscious, they can quietly erode self-esteem and lead to burnout or resentment.

Where Does Codependency Come From?

Codependent behaviors are often learned early in life, especially in families where emotional expression was discouraged, boundaries were blurred, or roles were reversed (for example, when a child had to emotionally support a parent).

In these environments, children may develop the belief that:

“I must take care of others to be loved.”
“My feelings don’t matter.”
“If I upset someone, I’ll be rejected.”

These unconscious beliefs become relational “scripts” we carry into adulthood, playing out in romantic partnerships, friendships, work environments—and even in parenting.

The Cost of Codependency

Living in a codependent pattern can feel like walking on eggshells. You might constantly monitor other people’s moods, take on more than your share of emotional labor, or find it hard to ask for help.

Over time, codependency can lead to:

Emotional exhaustion
Suppressed anger or sadness
Anxiety or depression
Unfulfilling or one-sided relationships
A lost sense of self

It's like being stuck in a loop—always trying to earn love or approval, yet never feeling truly seen or secure.

Can Codependency Be Healed?

Absolutely. The first step is awareness. When you begin to notice these patterns—not with shame, but with curiosity—you open the door to change.

Here are a few places to start:

1. Reconnect with Your Own Needs

Begin asking yourself:

What do I want right now?
What am I feeling?
What would it look like to honor that, even in small ways?

It’s okay if these questions feel unfamiliar. Rebuilding that connection to yourself is a process.

2. Practice Saying No

Saying “no” doesn’t make you selfish—it makes you honest. Start with low-stakes situations and notice how it feels to honor your own limits.

3. Set Boundaries Without Guilt

Boundaries aren’t walls; they’re ways of protecting what’s important. If you’re not used to setting them, it may feel uncomfortable at first—but discomfort is often a sign of growth.

4. Work with a Therapist

Codependency isn’t something you have to navigate alone. In therapy, we can gently explore the roots of these patterns, and build new, healthier ways of relating—starting with how you relate to yourself.

You Are Not Just What You Give

If you see yourself in these patterns, know this: codependency isn’t a flaw—it’s a coping strategy. Often, it was the best option available in a difficult situation. But you don’t have to live your life this way.

You’re allowed to have needs. You’re allowed to take up space. And you are worthy of love—not because of what you do for others, but because of who you are.

If you're curious to explore more, or if any of this resonates with your experience, I provide a free 15 minute telephone consultation. If you would like to speak to me please contact me.

ADHD in Adult women

Codependency: When Caring Becomes Costly

June 5th 2025 - Lucie Abadi

Most of us want to be there for the people we love. But what happens when caring turns into compulsive caretaking- when another person’s needs always seem to come before your own?

This is the territory of codependency - a common but often misunderstood pattern that quietly shapes many relationships, often leaving one person feeling exhausted, invisible, or emotionally stuck.

What Is Codependency?

Some signs of codependency include:

Difficulty saying “no” or setting boundaries

Feeling responsible for other people’s feelings or actions

Chronic people-pleasing

Anxiety or guilt when putting yourself first

Suppressing your own emotions to avoid conflict

Measuring your worth by how much you're needed

These traits might sound noble, but when they're habitual and unconscious, they can quietly erode self-esteem and lead to burnout or resentment.

Where Does Codependency Come From?

Codependent behaviors are often learned early in life, especially in families where emotional expression was discouraged, boundaries were blurred, or roles were reversed (for example, when a child had to emotionally support a parent).

In these environments, children may develop the belief that:

“I must take care of others to be loved.”

“My feelings don’t matter.”

“If I upset someone, I’ll be rejected.”

These unconscious beliefs become relational “scripts” we carry into adulthood, playing out in romantic partnerships, friendships, work environments—and even in parenting.

The Cost of Codependency

Living in a codependent pattern can feel like walking on eggshells. You might constantly monitor other people’s moods, take on more than your share of emotional labor, or find it hard to ask for help.

Over time, codependency can lead to:

Emotional exhaustion

Suppressed anger or sadness

Anxiety or depression

Unfulfilling or one-sided relationships

A lost sense of self

It's like being stuck in a loop—always trying to earn love or approval, yet never feeling truly seen or secure.

Can Codependency Be Healed?

Absolutely. The first step is awareness. When you begin to notice these patterns—not with shame, but with curiosity—you open the door to change.

Here are a few places to start:

1. Reconnect with Your Own Needs

Begin asking yourself:

What do I want right now?

What am I feeling?

What would it look like to honor that, even in small ways?

It’s okay if these questions feel unfamiliar. Rebuilding that connection to yourself is a process.

2. Practice Saying No

Saying “no” doesn’t make you selfish—it makes you honest. Start with low-stakes situations and notice how it feels to honor your own limits.

3. Set Boundaries Without Guilt

Boundaries aren’t walls; they’re ways of protecting what’s important. If you’re not used to setting them, it may feel uncomfortable at first—but discomfort is often a sign of growth.

4. Work with a Therapist

Codependency isn’t something you have to navigate alone. In therapy, we can gently explore the roots of these patterns, and build new, healthier ways of relating—starting with how you relate to yourself.

You Are Not Just What You Give

If you see yourself in these patterns, know this: codependency isn’t a flaw—it’s a coping strategy. Often, it was the best option available in a difficult situation. But you don’t have to live your life this way.

You’re allowed to have needs. You’re allowed to take up space. And you are worthy of love—not because of what you do for others, but because of who you are.

If you're curious to explore more, or if any of this resonates with your experience, I provide a free 15 minute telephone consultation. If you would like to speak to me please contact me.